I don’t understand a prescribed 3 day period of mourning. I can’t stop grieving after 3 days. What does this mean?
No one is expected to stop mourning the loss of anyone they love after three days. The three day mourning period is meant to stop one from indulging in grief for endless amounts of time. There is room for grief and pain but Allah does not want it to take over our life. For three days, grief is allowed to take center stage. After the three days, grief remains but one should try to re-engage with the outside world to the best of one’s ability. That doesn’t mean that the sadness or hurt disappears. But it does require effort on our parts to try to function with the grief. The Prophet (SAW) felt sadness and longing for his wife Khadija (RA) for many years after her death but he continued to live his life. That is what is expected of us.
Did I do something wrong by attending my child’s funeral? (for women)
There are differing opinions on this subject. In my opinion, women may attend the funeral but the men are responsible for the burial. Women can be there and make dua (supplication), preferably removed from the burial, as long as they keep in mind the solemnity that is appropriate to the occasion. From experience, I can attest that emotions easily get out of control, especially when a child is buried, and women should keep that in mind. If you or someone you know is likely to lose control, then it is best not to attend.
Could my child have died of the ‘evil eye’?
No. Human beings don’t have power over other human beings. Only Allah has ultimate power. Nothing happens outside of Allah’s allowance.
Exalted is He who holds all control in His hands; who has power over all things;who created death and life to test you [people] and reveal which of you does best––He is the Mighty, the Forgiving; (Al-Mulk, 67: 1-2)
With that said, the evil eye is real and can affect a person in a harmful manner. Our obligation is to take our precautions and fortify ourselves through remembrance. When it comes to death and harm anyone else can inflict, only Allah has the ultimate power.
Is it wrong for me to keep things that remind me of my child? Pictures? His/her belongings?
There is nothing inherently wrong with keeping items that have sentimental value to you. People grieve in various ways. If it provides comfort or triggers happy memories, then it is beneficial. However, one must also consider whether keeping items is handicapping your ability to heal or keep you in a state of shock or remorse ad exacerbate your wound. Be honest with yourself.
Is this my fault? Did I do something wrong? Was I ungrateful and is this my punishment?
Allah is the Ultimate Cause, nothing happens outside of the will of Allah. The extent to which a person is afflicted is tied to a special reward, not a specific punishment. The onus of whether something is a test or a punishment depends on how you respond to the situation after it has occurred, not before it happened. We don’t have inherent power to change Allah’s decree.
What happened, as it happened, is exactly what was supposed to happen. And nothing else was supposed to happen.
Allah is Yuhyi wa Yumit (The One Who Gives Life & Death). He is the only one who gives life and takes life and no one else has any impact or control. This is Allah’s command, this is His Will. You surrender.
You don’t have control or effective cause and the challenge is to come to terms with that.
Say, ‘Only what God has decreed will happen to us. He is our Master: let the believers put their trust in God.’ (At-Tawbah, 9: 51)
Is there any question my child is in jannah?
There is no question. The Prophet (SAW) has made it clear and there are various hadiths to support. There is no religious responsibility on any child, they are pure and innocent.
Shaykh Yasir Fahmy is the senior imam at the ISBCC. He received a degree in Islamic Studies from Al-Azhar and attained numerous ‘ijazas. In 2013, he became the first American Azhari to teach in the renowned Al-Azhar Mosque.