Muslim (5318) narrated that Suhayb said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affair is all good, and this applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.”
This is the only constructive way to bear this great test Allah SWT has given you. It is an immensely powerful prescription. As difficult as it is, try and focus on your many blessings. Write them out. On tough days when your heart struggles to list your many blessings, think of your sight, the sense of smell and hearing, your health, each individual family member, your bed, your home, your food and water etc. Think of specific things we take for granted such as the beauty of the sky, the warmth of the sun on your skin, the rest in your sleep, the rain when it falls. Make the intention of expressing your gratitude to Allah SWT through dhikr (remembrance). With every ‘Alhumdulillah’ (Praise for & Gratitude to God) think of a blessing, however small it may be.
Shukr (Gratitude) will seem difficult at times but a life without the child you have lost will always be better than a life where you never had them in the first place. Alhumdulillah.
I would not erase this lifetime of pain, grief and struggle if it meant not having had the blessing of my daughter. I am grateful for her; for my pregnancy and her birth and her very short life. I am grateful for my memories. I am grateful for the immense love and joy she brought with her. Of course I wish that my daughter was still with me. I cry for her today, years after she has passed away. I will probably continue to cry for her until I die. But I am so very grateful she was given to me in the first place. Even if it was for just a short time in this world. I try and focus on my immense gratitude for her blessing in my life when I am having a difficult time.
Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “When a slave’s child dies, Allah the Most High asks His angels, ‘Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave?” They reply in the affirmative. He then asks, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’ They reply in the affirmative. Thereupon he asks, ‘What has My slave said?’ They say: ‘He has praised You and said: Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall be returned). Allah says: ‘Build a house for My slave in Jannah and name it as Bait-ul-Hamd (the House of Praise).”‘ (Riyad As Salihin, At-Tirmidhi, Book 14, Hadith 1395)
I found that the more I thanked Allah SWT for my blessings, the more Sabr (patient perseverance) He bestowed on me.
“Sabr, or patience, isn’t waiting in the comfort of shelter for the storm to pass. A huge aspect of patience is perseverance: pushing forward through difficulty and continuing to forge your path, even when it can be difficult to see at times. Sabr is an active act, not a passive one. It’s not easy, but it will always be well worth it.” Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy
Every day that you persevere through your grief is an expression of sabr. Every day you wake up and get out of bed even though all you want to do is spend all day crying into your pillow is sabr. Every time you fight your despair and turn your attention to fulfilling your everyday duties with regards to your spouse, your children, your parents or your work, you are showing sabr. Every time you pray, do dhikr, read Quran when your mind and heart start to panic or question Allah’s Will, you are practicing sabr.
We shall certainly test you with fear and hunger, and loss of property, lives, and crops. But [Prophet], give good news to those who are steadfast, those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to God and to Him we shall return.’ These will be given blessings and mercy from their Lord, and it is they who are rightly guided. (al-Baqarah 2:155-157)
…God loves those who are steadfast. (Aal ‘Imraan 3:146)
“Say, ‘[God says], believing servants, be mindful of your Lord! Those who do good in this world will have a good reward- God’s earth is wide––and those who persevere patiently will be given a full and unstinting reward.’ (al-Zumar 39:10)
Prayer and dua will help you practice sabr and shukr.