Dear Mother & Father of a child beloved to Allah,

I speak to you as a mother who lost her child to violence. I ache with you and for you in a way that, thankfully, most parents cannot. I am still walking the unimaginable path that has opened up in front of you now.

You will have heard this already but I will say it again. Your children are in jannah (heaven). They are waiting for you. Keep reminding  yourself of this, try and picture it as much as you can. They are under the care of Prophet Ibrahim (AS). They will be standing at the gates of heaven. They will intercede on your behalf. They will hold your clothes and try and pull you into heaven

You will see your children again, inshAllah (God Willing). By the Grace and Mercy of Allah, you will. They are there, just a small step of a lifetime away. Every minute you spend without them, you are a minute closer to being with them again. This is one of the hardest tests of patience a human being can endure. Allah has chosen you for this test because He knows you will endure. He knows you better than you know yourself, trust in Him.

Do not think of the future right now. Do not think about how you will live without your child. You cannot think of the unthinkable. Just take a step. Do not think of anything but this day and how to get through today. If that is not possible, then just focus on getting through the next hour. The next minute. The next second. You will do it again tomorrow but right now, focus on getting through today.

Your grief is primal and it is vast. But your love for your child is even greater than your grief. It will always be so. No one can take your love away.  Years from today you will love and miss your child as much as you do today and as much as you did yesterday. You will know how to manage better but you will never love or miss your child any less. Reassure your heart with that certainty.

Cry. Cry as much and as loudly as you want. Cry on your own or cry into your spouse’s or mother’s or sister’s arms. Cry with your head against the ground in sujood (prostration). Cry in anger, misery, sorrow. The Prophet (SAW) said a mountain would have crumbled under the weight of his grief. He did not stop himself from crying. He tried not to say something that would displease Allah but he did not stop his tears. Cry. Don’t let anyone stop your tears.

You will ask again and again; Why? Why you? How could this happen to you? What have you done to deserve this? As much as you can, please try and distract yourself from this question. It will suck you dry. There is a reason but we may never know it and if we did, we would probably not understand it. Allah has chosen you for this most difficult of tests and only He knows why. The Why will accomplish nothing but destroy your faith. And you need your faith right now.

You will see your child everywhere. In other children. In places you have been together. In places you wanted to take them to. Focus on your child in jannah, rejoicing. Focus on crying your heart out in prayer. Focus on your next breath when it feels like you can’t breathe. Focus on getting to the end of the day. Focus on your other children or your spouse who are hurting as much as you. These things will help you inshAllah when the pain hits you anew as it will throughout the days to come.

Repeat this to yourself often: Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilaihi Rajioon. To Allah we belong and to Him is our return. This phrase will become your lifeline when you are drowning in pain and sorrow. The prayers of others will help you in ways you cannot see. Trust in Allah and just take one step at a time. Your child is in Allah’s protection and care. You will hold your child again inshAllah.

May He bless you with patience and strength to bear this test of His. May He envelop your hearts in His Mercy and Peace. May He allow you to hold your children again in your dreams and reunite you with your children and all who you love in heaven. Ameen, Allahumma Ameen.

From a mother to a child of jannah and your sister in faith and loss,

Nada, mother to 1 yr old Rehma