“I think that most young people at the start of their married lives, don’t really think about or contemplate child loss.  We assume that getting pregnant and having a child is something that will naturally happen.  Nowadays with more and more youth seeking an education before, during or even after marriage, the thought probably never crosses their mind.

I was brought up in a culture which placed a lot of emphasis on getting married young and education was not the priority.  I was able to complete part of my education before getting married, but once I did get married, I left it and moved to a new city with my husband.

Now being newly married and in a new place where I didn’t know anyone, after settling down, my automatic thoughts were to have a baby.  We started trying but after about a year or so, I started to get a bit anxious.  Was this normal or not?  I tried keeping myself busy, but would be somewhat depressed at the start of every period.  After about 2 years of trying, we went to a doctor.

Anyways, to make a long story short, we finally conceived after 3 years and we were thrilled.  Everything was going well, but one day, at around 19 weeks, I felt a lot of pressure… as if I had to go to the bathroom.  While on the toilet, I felt as if a balloon popped out, and I immediately realized that something was not right.  We rushed to the ER only to discover that I was about 7 cm dilated and the balloon was actually the water bag that was coming out.  The doctor told me that there was nothing we could do and since the baby was only 19 weeks, there was not much chance that it would survive.  I delivered my son and it was amazing how small he was but how complete everything was.

I was in shock for some time and of course very sad.  My only consolation was that fact I knew that my son would be waiting for me at the gates of Jannah to drag me in with him.  After about a year, we conceived again but lost that pregnancy as well. I started to think that I may never have children and that maybe it was not meant for me.  I then decided to focus my attention on other things and started keeping myself busy with other activities.  Alhamdulillah I then conceived and Alhamdulillah my daughter was born after 5 years of marriage.

If I look back now, that was a very difficult and stressful time in my life.  I think I knew deep down inside that for every difficulty a Muslim encounters, Allah SWT will forgive their sins, but it’s hard to remember that and not feel upset.  One thing I would advise other sisters who have gone through pregnancy or child loss is to try to build that connect with your Lord, because He is the creator of everything.  Always know that everything Allah SWT decrees for us is for our betterment whether we understand it or not, and His wisdom is beyond our comprehension.  Just have faith in that thought.

Lastly I would say to the people around us, whether they be our family, friends or people in the community, just try to be understanding and supportive with their duas, love and physical help.  I think saying things and talking in a negative way or asking unnecessary questions, only adds to our pain.  A person who is grieving is already dealing with a lot of negative emotions and thoughts which Shaitan tries to put in our head.  So for a person to come out and say something hurtful or condescending it adds to Shaitan’s tactic of getting us away from our Lord.

Alhamdullilah, Allah SWT has blessed me with 3 more children after my daughter, so while I still remember my first son, I don’t grieve anymore Alhamdullilah.  I know and understand that this was Allah SWT’s plan for me and I pray that I receive that reward for that in the Akhira.“

Anonymous